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And the first thing Gottman says in almost all of his books is: The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth. Meanwhile, many of the unsuccessful couples insisted on resolving fucking everything because they believed that there should never be a disagreement between them. Pretty soon there was a void of a relationship , too. Sometimes, trying to resolve a conflict can create more problems than it fixes. Some battles are simply not worth fighting. And sometimes, the most optimal relationship strategy is one of live and let live.

My wife spends a lot of time in front of the mirror because she cares about how she looks. When I tell her this, she usually gets pissed off. Because honesty in my relationship is more important to me than feeling good all of the time. The last person I should ever have to censor myself with is the woman I love.

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Fortunately, I date a woman who agrees that we should always be honest. Sure, my ego gets bruised and I bitch and complain and try to argue, but a few hours later I usually come sulking back and admit that she was right and holy crap she makes me a better person even though I hated hearing her truth-telling at the time. When our highest priority is to always make ourselves feel good, or to always make our partner feel good, then more often than not nobody ends up feeling good.

And our relationships fall apart without us even knowing it. The feeling-good—the sunsets and puppies—they happen when you get the important stuff figured out: values, needs and trust. If I feel smothered and want more time alone, I need to be capable of saying that without blaming her and she needs to be capable of hearing it without blaming me, despite the unpleasant feelings it may cause. Without them, lose track of one another. Romantic sacrifice is idealized in our culture. Sometimes the only thing that can make a relationship successful is ending it at the necessary time, before it becomes too damaging.


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And the willingness to do that allows us to establish the necessary boundaries to help ourselves and our partner grow together. We have no reason to work on ourselves and grow because our partner has to be there no matter what. This all invites stagnation and stagnation equals misery.

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One of the mental tyrannies we face in a non-honest relationship is the situation where any mildly emotional or sexual thought not involving your partner amounts to high treason. Once we get past the honeymoon phase of starry eyes and oxytocin, the novelty of our partner can wear off a bit. And unfortunately, human sexuality is partially wired around novelty. Most of us, most of the time, choose to not act on those feelings. And like waves, they pass through us and leave us with our partner very much the same way they found us. At the time, I thought the only impact my digital detox might have on my relationship would be losing the all-too-thorough chronicle of my love story my profiles contained.

It turns out that was only one of the ways leaving social media would impact my relationship. For as fun as it was to be in the beginning of my first serious relationship, it was also uncharted territory. I found that reassurance on Facebook, where every like or comment on posts with my boyfriend seemed like a vote of confidence in us as a couple. Saying goodbye to my socials meant trusting myself instead of looking to my feeds for validation.

It also taught me that the only people who can determine the success of a relationship are the people who are in it — not the distant family members, former classmates, and loose acquaintances on a friends list. Growing up, I had a preoccupation with being on track.

Feeling Lonely in Your Relationship? Here's What to Do About It

Am I going to get asked to prom? Is my chemistry grade ever going to be higher than a C? Spoiler alert on the chem grade: nope! Growing up, I remember feeling like the number of adoring photo collages people posted for my birthday directly correlated to how many friends I had.

But, sometimes the answer is right in front of you, you just need it to be pointed out. We've got expert advice on how to know when it's time to call it a day That is a huge sign that one of you has checked out. Failing to communicate will leave a big void in your relationship and cause minor problems to spiral into unnecessary issues. Try going for an afternoon walk or book a table at your local restaurant, with no distractions the conversation should flow more easily. If it proves to be difficult and it becomes apparent that you simply just don't care anymore, then you know what to do Having a healthy sex life, and one that suits both your libidos and sexual desires, is important for every relationship.

But, if your bedroom time has gone from exciting and experimental to dull and repetitive, then it's time to decide why. Rachel says, "If your sex life has gone from 60 to 0, it is a bad sign that your relationship is on the fritz. A little ebb and flow of desire is normal , but if one of you has lost the desire completely without any underlying medical condition involved it is time to end it. If you're not quite ready to call it a day, try bringing the zing back with a new sex position , or introduce a couples sex toy like a love egg into the mix.


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If you're both still not jumping into the bedroom then maybe your relationship is more suited to being just a friendship. At the beginning of your relationship, their romantic gestures came thick and fast and every little indication of their affection would ignite the flame of excitement in you.

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But now the honeymoon period is over, your time together is more about staying in front of the telly rather then romantic meals and walks in the park. While this isn't necessarily time to call it quits immediately, do let them know you need some more excitement again, even if it's a case of simply making a date at your local restaurant. If they fail to make the effort then it's time to question just how much this relationship means to each of you.

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14 Signs You’re in a Healthy Relationship | Real Simple

If they aren't interested then why should you be? Picking fights with your loved one is a sign of irritation and unfortunately, the beginning of the end. Rachel says, " Often people tend to start picking fights when they feel a relationship is at its end. They are trying to get their partner to do the dirty work and break it off. So if the small things that never used to bother you are now more infuriating then cute, it's time to move on to someone where you can spend your time snogging, rather then arguing.

Then you need to have a serious relationship overhaul! Being in love should never be a chore or require too much effort. In fact, you should be counting down the days to booking another romantic trip or having that quiet evening you've planned together.